by Dr. Boyce Watkins
www.Financiallovemaking.net
Some people think that love and money don't mix. They think that the mere discussion of money in the context of a romantic relationship is simply taboo. Not only do I disagree, but I think that it is literally insane to keep from discussing your financial situation with your partner. Financial security makes a major difference in all of our lives, and the idea of merging your life with another person who puts your financial security in risk should scare you to death.
As a finance professor, I would hear a long list of horror stories about love and money going wrong. Couples would tell me that they fight like hell over money. Women would tell me that their ex-husband spent all the family resources at the casino. Angry divorcees would complain about how their ex-spouse left them and took all their money. That is what led to my writing Financial Lovemaking 101: Merging Assets with Your Partner in Ways that Feel Good.
You can think of the Financial Lovemaking system as the “Kama Sutra of Money Management”. It teaches you the ins and outs of the financial lovemaking process, and how your financial choices can serve to stimulate and strengthen your relationship, rather than destroy it. Millions of couples are making financial love, and a lot of them are doing it the wrong way. Here are some tips on how you can avoid being one of the millions of people who find themselves with battered relationships due to bad financial choices.
Here is just a small list of ways that someone could ruin your life financially:
A partner with horrible credit could keep you from ever getting loan.
A partner with terrible spending habits can ruin a family’s financial security.
A partner with a substance abuse or other costly addiction could deplete a family’s assets.
A partner with unhealthy connections to deadbeat relatives, who always need money, may drain
your assets.
A partner that with an income that is too low due to a lack of education or poor professional choices could ruin you financially.
A partner may steal money from you or borrow it without your permission and use it for something frivolous (i.e. a bad business investment, gambling, etc.)
A partner who makes bad financial choices may get you into trouble with the IRS.
A partner who decides to separate from you may end up dragging you and your money through a long and costly legal battle.
Things you should know before you start the system:
The key to good financial lovemaking is oral – you must communicate with your partner
You must be prepared to be honest.......Honest about areas that need improvement.
The key to good financial lovemaking is rhythm.
It’s not a matter of someone being good or bad. It’s about whether or not they are compatible with you.
Do they complement you if you are seeking to be complemented? Do they contrast with you in ways that you know you need to be contrasted? Do they serve to strengthen your good habits or enable your bad ones?
Steps in the financial lovemaking system
1) Getting financially naked with your partner
2) Request documentation of credit reports, debt levels and income levels
The documentation must be recent, not delayed.
3) Taking and giving your partner an FIV test (The Financial Irresponsibility Virus)
Does your partner have a financial venereal disease?
4) Getting your body ready for financial lovemaking....How are you going to look when you are financially naked?
If you do not have a partner, how do you get ready for when you do?
How do you feel about your financial body in the first place?
5) Financial foreplay
This process can be fulfilling, rather than frightening and draining. Spend time getting your partner excited about making financial love. You may have to educate them about the process.
6) Financial fantasizing: Do you have any financial dreams and goals you want to share? Write them down together and tackle them together. Try to find mutually exciting fantasies.
7) Consider doing a 3-some: Get good advice – bring in an objective outsider who can facilitate your lovemaking process. Subscribe to magazines and websites that are going to enhance your financial lovemaking with one another.
8) Finding a rhythm: It’s not a matter of them being spenders or savers. The question is whether or not you can live with what you see. Does the person’s habits complement your own and allow you to reach goals more easily? Do you have a plan on how you are going to merge your money and manage it together? Is everyone involved, or are there silent partners? Remember – Silent partners don’t get to make financial love. Silent partners just get screwed.
9) Reaching your climax together: Are you on the mountain top alone? – Have both of you agreed that your financial goals work best for each of you, or is one of you taking the lead and running with it? Did both of you participate, or did one person do all the work? This can leave you feeling burned and bitter.
Good financial lovemaking is the couples guide to mixing money and love in the right way. Money is a part of love and how we manage our joint resources connects directly to how we learn to actually love one another. In fact, loving your mate is a verb, but I think you already know that.
Dr. Boyce Watkins is a Finance Professor at Syracuse University and author of Financial Lovemaking 101: Merging Assets with Your Partner in Ways that Feel Good.
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